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Practice what you preach Mom!!

Posted 9/19/2021

Practice what you preach Mom!Practice what you preach Mom!

I’m not proud it happened in a space I covet the most, with my child. 

 

Let me preface; I parent from firm foundational rules for no lying, be honest, kind, respectful and live fully self expressed with full freedom and ease to choose whether comfortable or not. 

 

I broke all my rules, in one spiralling conversation, I assumed something horrible then lied to my own kid …now…you might ask, why share this? 

 

You’re right, it’s not normal to expose a ill-fated …. Hmmm better said, an ugly side that is maybe best, left unsaid … but my why is because what IS unfortunately “normal”, between relationships is ASSUMING and LYING. 

 

Back up a bit (which gives ZERO justification to my present actions), growing up as a child into my youth, having told pretty ugly truths, I got in physical and emotional trouble. I quickly learned how to become a good little liar this walking a giant future forward of “I’m bad,” not worthy always second guessing myself then learning to live “being okay with being okay to lie” when down lying, for me, was never okay! 

 

Trauma carries a root that, if not healed, can rear it’s ugly head in moments like this. It’s also more common to defend, prove, be right and not own up…  it’s a more unique skill and worth while space to master catching your own actions, take full responsibility WITHOUT pointing back and, getting acutely in the impact caused for everyone around you involved….validating by truly getting the other’s world NEEDS to happen before EVER thinking of a freeing chance for a 100% fresh new space for trust, respect and ease. 

 

What I learned in a three month course called “Integrity” is it’s human tendency and more common, and admit-tingly to my specific story, I started walking down that path with my kid by assuming. After lying, covering up my assumption for being justified from a repeated and earned experience of how things would show up, I may, or may not prove I’m right! 

 

“Being right” is common space I saw in the class where many (if not all) we all liked to feel or be in but declaring “our righteousness as I’M BEING RIGHTEOUS”  is not something we are willing to say. It’s not common to own and declare the ugly sides of ourselves… 

 

…the secret skill I have discovered only 10-12 years ago is having the selfless ability to FULLY put aside our reasons, justifications for the “why” we lie or assume… but it’s mastering getting into the core, raw impact and world of another then declaring your ugly behaviour as; 

 

I assumed and I lied

I take FULL responsibility to that behaviour

It doesn’t at all work to how I’m committed to you nor anyone anywhere, any time

 

The impact in my actions I saw made you reach out to others, second guessing yourself and it broke your heart, hurt you and maybe now with me admitting, has left you maybe disappointed. Having lied and assumed, all of this, it breaks trust, our respect and maybe the freedom to be with each other no matter how we are, and are not.

 

I take full responsibility to my actions and impact caused and moving forward, you can count on me to be better at catching when I see myself assuming and you can absolutely count on me to get back to truth telling/living because that IS the best part about you and me !

 

There’s no handbook on being perfect good news is there’s time to vulnerably show up with integrity without knowing the outcome!