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How to reconnect with a family member who’s words hurt your soul

Posted 1/25/2022

 

First let me preface that what I did, or do to “reconnect with a family..” is not to be taken as any advice, I give “my experience”, then, what resonates for you or not, you can for sure, take with - or leave. I LOVE and don’t mind at all sharing what positively shifted things for me that got me unstuck permanently. I thrive on what both feels uncomfortable and comfortable!! Notice your comfort zone.. Stay daring!!! 

 

Secret that worked for me in general, so to HAVE a permanent and freeing shift, I HAD to always be willing to NOT expect change on the other side. BE committed to the “possibility “ for change (c) Landmark unattached to how it all turns out, because frankly …there’s a myth that “people can’t change” or you may “never get that sorry you wanted to hear”…. YOU have to be WILLING to put that knowing and expectation FULLY aside and FOCUS on RECONNECTING if and only “IF” it’s REALLY something you WANT to genuinely do! 

 

I had to start with, “why do I want to reconnect?” Weigh out there pros and cons…

 

I started to see all the good things, why I also love that person came back and I missed some things. 

 

I had to pause when I noticed my guard was coming up… and what it reared it’s ugly head easy, so fast… I resisted. It hurt!

 

I realized all my resistance was “past” based, JUSTIFIED! But!!!… that experience wasn’t here, in the NOW.. and NOW… so staying out of the past hurt moments.. GETTING PRESENT… then refocusing back to my INTENTION

 

Set your INTENTION at the gateway and as your END game!! 

 

I even put the words on my fridge so I saw them everyday. 

 

It doesn’t happen fast , I did NOT want the past involved at all… BURN ALL THE HURT UP IN A NOTE AND SET IT ON FIRE…I started to purposely invite the idea of starting brand new…. (Sometimes it felt forced but that was guard from the past)…  WITH A PROMISED CONDITION!! 

 

This is my promise I have with my closest friends, my family and my kids… 

 

NO LEAVING EACH OTHER

KNOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER FIRST

When a confront or upset happens

Know it’s okay and, it’s allowed

Be safe and validate each other’s unique experiences DOESN’T suggest you may agree with each other…

Healthy boundaries for time out IS allowed

Say to each other;  “I love you and, I HAVE to walk away, I’ll be back…” 

Leave a day/time no less then 48hrs and more then a week

NEVER leave things unsaid

NEVER let too much time pass

RECONNECT a NEW way

 

I’m okay even if I only see them once a year, or a few hours or overnight…. It’s MY design of reconnect and love brand new. It works perfectly, for me.

 

It’s baby steps FOR SURE!!! 

 

It’s uncomfortable

 

Let go too, of what you might think other family members might be saying or not saying. Gosh, it was hard for me to not react fast in defence. Spiralling back into “that person owes me this or that…” Giving their opinions power falling victim again… NO WAY 

 

Am I living with “the sorry I NEVER heard”? Yes! I absolutely am… Am I living with things unsaid? Yes, I am… AND, I still get to love them MY way… I’m detached now on how others know how to love… 

 

Loving looks different with every single one person.

 

Life is also fucking way to short… it’s even shorter then what I’m graced with RIGHT NOW, God needs me here still for a reason to have this day! 

 

STAY TRUE TO “YOU”

 

Love moves mountains start with and from YOUR heart!!

 Charmaine

 

Author,Artist,Advocate